Wanting Only This

I want to write poetry about you,

how much I adore you,

how every moment of my life,

contains room for you,

desire, passion, only hope

each day begins with a picture of you,

and I go from there,

I let my imagination go where I want it to go,

thoughts of you,

the beauty of a smile,

how simple that can be,

just in the moment,

the way your stocking hat covers your bangs,

how your eyes sparkle in the moment,

always a soul inside,

seeking your heart.

Oh if you knew how much I do

think about you on any given day,

I think this is love,

when I can feel my heart ache,

when every moment of my day,

holds some piece of your mystique,

waiting and being more patient

with each of my days.

Still In Love

I’m still in love

with her,

not you,

though everyone imagine.

I hold her in my dreams,

a soulmate sort of thing,

I remember once,

she held me in her arms,

said this is it,

I wish that we might be

all we need.

I’m still in love,

not with you,

only her.

Alone Time

Oh, getting better every day,

morning ritual

draws a coffee in hand,

early moments spent

aligning blind slats

with the building lines

across the street.

Seems they’ll never really balance,

but I find that amusing

and it passes the day.

Think about meditation

but wonder if in my

alone time that’s already happening.

I mean it is true,

I sit alone and stare for hours,

isn’t that kind of what it’s like

to bore deep in our soul?

I know I need to admit,

I’m trying to find myself,

sometimes with desperation,

waiting for the telephone to ring,

I still call it that,

ages me a bit I suppose,

but maybe that lends to my curiosity,

the desire to understand

how this time of my life,

call it a chapter

contains so much

uncharted territory.

I continue to fight the blues,

will always wonder,

what might have been,

what could me,

all the adages

defining my experience …

alone time.

I Checked Your Eyes

In the quiet of the night,

while we in arms played,

I could see you,

search inside,

I loved the travel

inside your eyes.

Each moment we together

traveled new avenues

I kept checking,

you kept looking,

we could go on forever,

when you let me inside your eyes.

Do You Write Stories?

She asked me that while looking in my eyes

I said I do only to sound sort of wise.

I went back to look and nothing made sense

So badly i wanted to give this love a chance.


She told me my stories frightened her,

she thought they classified a pattern.

I wanted only her appeal to a passion,

a heartfelt solution to her indecision.


Seems our lives are easily triggered

that noticeable desire deferred

Seems only now can we appreciate

the very love we so quickly negate.


I wanted her to know my love is true

Instead we cascaded deep into a blue.

Beauty is Memory

To imagine,

she might be nearby

if only words can tell me,

I would make them up in my mind

to have you closer to me,

feel your warm affection,

that compassionate soul

I once held in my arms.

I feel these emotions,

saddle me,

I cannot move sometimes,

and then I realize

I’m living, I’m alive,

and she would want that for me.

She is beauty in a special day,

when the stars align at night,

the radiant blue of a sunny day,

she’s all these things,

wrapped into her soul,

a certain elegance

in how she carries her own pain,

once shared with me,

once comforted,

oh did I hold your love with my heart.

Favorite Movies

I watched a movie tonight, a family favorite and I cried. A Christmas movie we would all watch together and laugh, I’d avoided it for over three years. I’ve been divorced since that time, and I had forgotten how many parallels to my marriage there were in the movie. The depiction of children and extended family particularly struck me, and I regretted losing the childhood of my two kids.

It’s been three years now, and the end of my marriage still haunts me. I was no longer in love. I was going through the motions. I was experience what has been referred to as fantasy that had far more impact upon my heart than did my marriage. But it was the kids I hurt more than the two of us splitting up. I didn’t know what to say, and I felt like I had lost so much time. My kids were young adults now and handling the divorce in their own way, and there was nothing I could do to stop that. I was forever trying to fix what I had helped destroy.

My life was truly spinning. I had no grounding in my world. I felt everything unravel and believed I could no longer repair my life, that I was a pariah, a failure, a miserable example of a human being. I hung onto all the contempt in the world for myself, and showed impatience with anyone who tried to tell me it takes time. I just went down a hole to nowhere and walked around in complete fear.

Today, I don’t fear as much. I still feel I have failed and I try hard to learn from it and correct my mistakes. But, I’m still an emotional person. I watched a movie tonight that touched my heart and left me feeling a bit lonely on Christmas eve. I’m alone tonight, have been all day. I will see my children tomorrow evening. I guess Christmas evening will be our tradition going forward.

I hope someday we can laugh again … about the movie.

A Solemn Day

I would reach out to you

if I could

if the stars aligned

and it happened by chance.

I wouldn’t have to work so hard

to find your love

to know your beauty

is you,

no longer what I dream.

To know that you have yourself,

a contentment

that I once held close to my heart.

A solemn day

for memory,

that what if the human condition

throws upon our soul,

when we cannot find the strength

to let go,

but hang on with hope

and eventual delusion.

Yet, love is, just that.

When Last We Spoke

I watch to drive away

I didn’t believe your eyes

I wanted to hear you say

What we are doing isn’t wise

But you just disappeared

Down the road

And now my days go by

I heard you cried the other day

It was a day I’m afraid to say

When suddenly I realized

Only dreams would come my way

I wanted you to stay

Even though we live the way

We did for hours in the sun

And night time twilight saying

This is who we are today.

How Long Will I Weep

I watch days go by,

summer warmth,

laying by the pool,

and then autumn winds,

we walk with light sweaters

feeling the crisp air,

a gradual turn

to winter’s quiet

resilient nature.

We have to find

the heavy garments,

creating soft cocoons,

carrying us through season,

finding ways to appreciate

the beauty of how

our bodies

adjust to the changing seasons.

I thought of you the other day,

how we might walk together

holding hands

feeling fresh snow

tease our nose,

laughing in each other’s eyes,

a warm reminder

envelops me now,

while listening to the Moody Blues,

I can almost feel your

heart touching my soul.