Paper and a pen

Lost in thought

feeling the ache

of insomnia,

wondering what

may lay ahead.

This place is familiar

holds me close

speaks of all those moments,

trying to find

some solace some

purpose.

My body tired

my mind at full speed,

unable to

find a balance in

between the two.

Instead,

I lounge in bed.

Let my thoughts

run away with me,

so many ifs,

so many

I wonders, for

so many

years I’ve traveled

the same path.

The middle of the night

eyes open.

It’s times like this

I don’t know how

I can start a new day.

In recent days,

I’ve felt their impact

walking into the cold,

there is a warm breeze

touches my forehead

gives me peace.

In changing winds

could we see the sweet

nature of love return,

to know heart and soul

will always maintain

the integrity we might

always wish to know.

I stood and felt

the force of the wind

It reminded me of a life

I’ll always wish rewind.

Though the winds did scream

hollering their wishes,

there seemed always a wonder

that made my love wander.

There is a peace in knowing

the winds have changed again.

Well, when I really did

was those moments I couldn’t hold her

in my thoughts

even hundreds of miles away,

I knew she was no longer imagining me,

while I imagined her.

My life stayed the same

and she found new intrigues

not even meant to help her forget

only to allow her to move on.

He didn’t get it,

held on,

didn’t let go and lost everything within his grasp.

When one day he awoke

to see how quickly he wrapped himself

around her existence,

he stepped back,

thought a bit,

and realized

what a cad he’d been.

I sometimes can’t find my footing,

I despair too easily,

it seems pointless to imagine

a better scope

when driven down by thoughts

designed to bring me down.

I simply let go of myself

and drift into an abyss

seems relative to my life,

to live in this conflict.

I’d rather feel sorry for myself

than relish in the beauty of a day.

I can feel my breath when I’m down,

shallow and filled with resentment,

not toward others

only myself,

seems I’m my worst enemy

when caught up in cliches.

I’d rather discover an outlet

gave freedom from all that I rue.

I wish she might know,

or perhaps she does already,

maybe that is the difficulty

an awareness,

a reason to slip away.

I wish that I might know,

to help with the heartache,

to feel whole again,

the way it once was

not so long ago.

We took a journey

years ago,

and then came to a crest

in the hill that descended

or rose to the horizon

we each chose one

with eyes closed

and woke to realize

we’d chosen a path away.

My whole body is tight

I can barely breathe,

yet I sit here

not moving,

just letting minutes

turn into hours into days,

and the same vicious circle

preys upon my state of mind.

I have come full circle

from a time

when I wanted to

stop the wheels,

get off the rollercoaster

and make time my own.

But I was afraid to because

somewhere inside

I knew there was a pain

far worse than a surface level

anxiety.

We seem drawn to our fears

if thoughts over-ride our actions.

We could live more simple lives

if we let our quiet moments

help shelter us from

the raging storm

that is our own making.

That shallow ground

we let ourselves lose our footing upon,

is only strengthened

by letting the winds

carve out the layers of our lives.

Isn’t much of an argument

the pursuit

that state of mind,

the punch in the gut

mindset that screams

says everything is wrong

because we want all right,

don’t want to think about it,

just let it be.

Standing at the counter,

the person in front of me,

struggling for their change,

oh come on now,

it’s 2023

why do I have to wait,

haven’t you figured it out,

we shouldn’t have to wait,

nearly as much anymore,

everything is different

everyone has decided,

it’s all about me now,

I’m seeking perfection.