What happens when we realize,
there’s really no reason to deny
the feelings we have,
how our imagination
wants to drill us
or suck us down some
long and deep well
where fear and confusion
hold strong the ropes
that led us down this path.
How do we decide?
What if each one of us
stood into the wind
and let the beauty of nature
take us in the wind.
If only we knew,
we wouldn’t hurt ourselves.
I do think about you,
on a sunny day,
driving in traffic,
going to sleep at night.
Doesn’t really matter where,
when you come to mind,
my world changes,
back into that original gear,
the one filled with
romantic notions.
I do think about you,
when it’s quiet,
I’m on my own,
listening to my ghosts,
the haunting nature of love.
There is a stumble,
an attempt
a scrutiny
a desire to sleep.
Living a life
seems sometime
unattainable
lost inside an avenue
of acceptability.
We endure pain,
a need to expose
ourselves to what is that
deep insidious fear.
Living a life
seems a destiny
exists to move beyond
what it is,
what screams at us
inside our illusion
of safety and promise.
Living a life
without any strife
seems too easy to imagine,
when seeking an outlet,
some saving Grace,
some beauty in life.
I’m still in love
with her,
not you,
though everyone imagine.
I hold her in my dreams,
a soulmate sort of thing,
I remember once,
she held me in her arms,
said this is it,
I wish that we might be
all we need.
I’m still in love,
not with you,
only her.
Can’t shake off the blanket
of cowardice achieved.
I am a shell of myself,
trying desperately,
trying to find some path
helps me navigate
through the impending doom
that never arrives.
I wonder if it ever will,
I say to myself,
recognizing memory
and wanting to break out.
I wonder how long
I will let such sorrows
envelop my state of mind.
I can see the moon through the clouds.
I looked outside,
could see the blue sky,
I wondered inside,
what’s my takeaway.
Thought about snowshoeing,
enjoying the crisp air,
wondered what I’m doing
questioning nature.
Seems everything is clear,
then why the cobwebs,
trying to only assure
the mind flows and ebbs.
I’m counting on someone,
to come rescue me,
on this beautiful day, one
asks authenticity.
When at night,
the wind is calm,
a stillness in the air,
I’m waiting,
and nothing seems to know,
I wait a little longer,
check again,
and the air is still.
I sometimes want
those winds to return,
the kind that shook our soul,
but made us feel alive,
we could know how to smile,
look in each other’s eyes,
only then
could we ever really
hold each other’s hand again.
Oh, getting better every day,
morning ritual
draws a coffee in hand,
early moments spent
aligning blind slats
with the building lines
across the street.
Seems they’ll never really balance,
but I find that amusing
and it passes the day.
Think about meditation
but wonder if in my
alone time that’s already happening.
I mean it is true,
I sit alone and stare for hours,
isn’t that kind of what it’s like
to bore deep in our soul?
I know I need to admit,
I’m trying to find myself,
sometimes with desperation,
waiting for the telephone to ring,
I still call it that,
ages me a bit I suppose,
but maybe that lends to my curiosity,
the desire to understand
how this time of my life,
call it a chapter
contains so much
uncharted territory.
I continue to fight the blues,
will always wonder,
what might have been,
what could me,
all the adages
defining my experience …
alone time.
In the quiet of the night,
while we in arms played,
I could see you,
search inside,
I loved the travel
inside your eyes.
Each moment we together
traveled new avenues
I kept checking,
you kept looking,
we could go on forever,
when you let me inside your eyes.
She asked me that while looking in my eyes
I said I do only to sound sort of wise.
I went back to look and nothing made sense
So badly i wanted to give this love a chance.
~
She told me my stories frightened her,
she thought they classified a pattern.
I wanted only her appeal to a passion,
a heartfelt solution to her indecision.
~
Seems our lives are easily triggered
that noticeable desire deferred
Seems only now can we appreciate
the very love we so quickly negate.
~
I wanted her to know my love is true
Instead we cascaded deep into a blue.
Paper and a pen 