It was then

I spent all of my minutes planning,

I wanted to take a walk

and never return,

let the icy depth envelop me,

I even found a place I could jump,

be in long enough for the frozen waters

to take me home,

some place I dreamed about

a solace,

a special kingdom

I was told about when a child,

sitting listening to the sacraments.

I was willing to chance it,

everything is forgiven right?

It was in my darkest hour,

every direction I turned

found misery without compassion.

I was so deep inside my own head

I knew not which way

my struggles had begun,

or where,

How I had come this far,

and only years later,

would realize

I have little comfort over when,

even when bask in notions in

my own two hands.

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