I’m not back yet.
I lost my marriage a couple of years ago and then an intense relationship a year later. It has taken some time to get my feet back on the ground. My writing I think has been impacted or maybe I just didn’t feel like writing anymore. I do think it is the former because I do like when words come to mind and I can get them down on paper. Since July of last year I have filled legal tablets with writing that may never see my computer but are filled with poetry and momentary thoughts. I suppose getting back to the pen prevented my writing in this venue. Today I’m hoping to put words together that make sentences that interest the reader, or help them as you to relate to what it is I’m saying.
I haven’t been alone for over 30 years. During the past 2 years I have been actively suicidal, a feeling that has thankfully dissipated over the last several months and I hope does not return. Getting used to living alone has been a real challenge. The greatest difficult was during the pandemic which officially began a week after my marriage fell apart. I screamed a lot during that time because there was, thankfully, no one around to hear me. Even though the truth is I probably wanted someone to hear me but I certainly didn’t know who that might be.
My days are spent doing several things. I’m learning how to play the guitar, that takes a couple hours out of each of my days. I enjoy it and am looking forward to knowing it better. It takes a lot of work but I hope it will pay dividends when I become ready to write songs with my chords. I’m a bit away from that at this point. The other thing I do is read. I’ve returned to reading after years of putting it off and have come across some pretty good books and ideas. Hopefully that helps with my writing as everyone in the industry claims to be the case.
I’m going to cut this short as I’m still figuring out what direction to go with my writing. Perhaps it is short essays and commentaries that I have had mild success with. Perhaps there is a short story. I have another blog in which I write memories from my career. Maybe that will become a direction in my future. In the meantime, I appreciate your taking the time to read this material. We all plod on.