Paper and a pen

I sometimes can’t find my footing,

I despair too easily,

it seems pointless to imagine

a better scope

when driven down by thoughts

designed to bring me down.

I simply let go of myself

and drift into an abyss

seems relative to my life,

to live in this conflict.

I’d rather feel sorry for myself

than relish in the beauty of a day.

I can feel my breath when I’m down,

shallow and filled with resentment,

not toward others

only myself,

seems I’m my worst enemy

when caught up in cliches.

I’d rather discover an outlet

gave freedom from all that I rue.

I wish she might know,

or perhaps she does already,

maybe that is the difficulty

an awareness,

a reason to slip away.

I wish that I might know,

to help with the heartache,

to feel whole again,

the way it once was

not so long ago.

We took a journey

years ago,

and then came to a crest

in the hill that descended

or rose to the horizon

we each chose one

with eyes closed

and woke to realize

we’d chosen a path away.

My whole body is tight

I can barely breathe,

yet I sit here

not moving,

just letting minutes

turn into hours into days,

and the same vicious circle

preys upon my state of mind.

I have come full circle

from a time

when I wanted to

stop the wheels,

get off the rollercoaster

and make time my own.

But I was afraid to because

somewhere inside

I knew there was a pain

far worse than a surface level

anxiety.

We seem drawn to our fears

if thoughts over-ride our actions.

We could live more simple lives

if we let our quiet moments

help shelter us from

the raging storm

that is our own making.

That shallow ground

we let ourselves lose our footing upon,

is only strengthened

by letting the winds

carve out the layers of our lives.

Isn’t much of an argument

the pursuit

that state of mind,

the punch in the gut

mindset that screams

says everything is wrong

because we want all right,

don’t want to think about it,

just let it be.

Standing at the counter,

the person in front of me,

struggling for their change,

oh come on now,

it’s 2023

why do I have to wait,

haven’t you figured it out,

we shouldn’t have to wait,

nearly as much anymore,

everything is different

everyone has decided,

it’s all about me now,

I’m seeking perfection.

Oh so far away

seemed any sense

of memory,

of that once held

love between two souls,

lost in their own wander.

Life speaks

and the shadows disappear,

standing in the sunlight,

weathering a winter thaw.

When life was morose

suddenly appears

a sign from her own hands,

a peaceful reckoning.

Oh to find the beauty in life,

it is held in the hands

of those we love,

we can surely smile.

I slept a deep journey

last night

in the calm

of this winter night.

I traveled upon

worlds I fear

and found peace

in the fragments of

a nightmarish

reality only opening eyes

could resolve

my anxiety.

I slept a deep journey

to awaken to only love.

My body is rested,

I have a mellow zen

in the morning,

legs crossed,

coffee in hand

my fingertips

glide the keyboard

this is where

I record my world.

One word at a time,

hate to get ahead of myself,

I lose my way,

begin to forget about today.

I love these mornings,

where I can smile

feel a peace inside,

no longer caught up in

trying to reveal

the scattered memories

of my mind.

I can recall now

in the sweetness of time,

beauty does exist, in love

her elegance sublime.

I can’t

I just can’t

Seems so trivial

this self mutilation,

yet here it is,

always on my mind,

trying to fight the anxiety

my mind is so made up,

and yet in a minute

I could change it,

I could find myself in a different place,

but what makes it so hard,

what prevents a person

from finding peace?

Do we need the turmoil first,

have to castigate ourselves

to feel ok for the moment.

What is it allows us to speak away the fears

and embrace love.