If you looked inside my heart,

the exterior lining would be

black and blue,

The blood would sort of

lose its crimson red,

and show strains of yellow

and purple swell.

If you glanced inside my brain,

the pain would be a strain,

as all that could be seen

is a mishmash of unguided

synapse bouncing off

one another with no

particular sequence.

I suppose they call that confusion,

when the ego so beaten down,

finds it impossible to breathe,

only waits for the final cleave

to chop through all the bullshit,

and let us find a place to breathe

I can really feel it tonight,

do you ever,

I mean have that feeling,

when hanging out

watching the sunset lights come on,

all alone in your apartment,

letting your thoughts

rule the moment.

Is that what love is all about,

feeling compassion for our own doubts?

Do we understand

when in the throes

of a moment,

our greatest fears

are brought on by ourselves,

no one else,

there is no one in the room

telling me how I should feel,

only me deep in the river of thoughts

winding through my mind,

having fun at my expense.

Seems there isn’t a lot of trivia involved,

with finding solution to our state of mind.

Sitting in my chair,

laptop waiting my taps,

just illuminating

a blank page

with so much on my mind,

just want to write,

find a way to express

the ideas in my head.

I want to circle the wagons,

not reveal my scariest truths,

and yet,

here I am

letting myself be consumed,

almost eaten alive

with a fury,

a desire,

an unknown,

wanting somehow

to step away from the fright.

I saw her the other day,

in a crowd of a hundred,

didn’t matter how many really,

you stuck out in the audience,

I was happy, somehow relieved,

to know how happy you appeared.

I just wished I could …

We might have a solemnity

turns into rage,

or at least some unimagined

regret.

Our lives are designed

for happiness,

the ecstatic nature

of finding wonder

in how we live,

where we go

with our minds,

especially in the compass

of a beautiful afternoon,

with sunlight and breeze,

feeling the airs of winter,

watching the snow melt,

and feeling the crunch

below our feet as

we trek across a day.

Ever wonder why a song

plays at that exact moment,

leaves us imagining,

hoping there might be reason

for such lyrics

to embrace our heart

in that given, silent moment.

Our quiet is often so filled

with a pain we cannot define,

instead we live it out

waiting for relief,

some silent barometer

lets us live out our lives.

Oh the pain of regret

inside the solemn nature

of a wondrous state of mind.

I chose to walk away,

rather than dwell in the dreary

nature of feeling sorry for myself.

I thought of better ways,

fresher thought,

just really appreciating a sunrise

rather than simply talking about

it so I could be heard,

so somebody might believe me

without my actually experiencing it.

I decided to leave pain behind,

for it had given me enough strength

to now know beauty,

the wondrous nature of love

in all of its magic,

setting a tone

for how we live our lives,

how I live my own,

rather than dwell upon the beaten path,

perhaps there is a new shadow

leads us back into that sunlight

radiates such energy

that we take deep breaths,

we reach out

we hold the world in our minds

and express only love.